


Too Good

by mygodhatesme



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst, Based On a Troye Sivan Song, Bipolar Disorder, Canon Compliant, Depressive Episode, Established Relationship, M/M, One Shot, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25748719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mygodhatesme/pseuds/mygodhatesme
Summary: During a depressive episode, Eliott questions his relationship with Lucas.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28
Collections: Song Inspired Skam Fic Challenge





	Too Good

**Author's Note:**

> so...yeah...wrote another angst one shot but i promise it's not something would make you cry
> 
> this one ended up being really close to my heart because i wrote this as how i experience my depressive episodes and it's lowkey inspired of my most recent one but not entirely
> 
> i hope you like it and don't be shy to give your opinion on it in the comments

The sun was shining bright, maybe too bright, it was the hottest day of the year in Paris, every window was open and the thin curtains were flowing into the rooms with the hot wind. Eliott was on the king sized bed, lost in between the blue sheets, his eyes open but he didn’t see or more appropriately. He couldn’t process what he was seeing, since his mind had shut itself down. He wasn’t feeling the heat, he was obviously sweating under the sheets but he was unable to respond to the bothering feeling of that extra hot day. He wasn’t necessarily feeling anything, even if he did, his body wouldn’t let him respond to it. His tongue was sticking to the top of his mouth from thirstiness but his body felt too heavy to reach for the full glass of water Lucas left for him before leaving for school. He tried to close his eyes and sleep, he needed that but his body acted against that wish. He’d been sleeping for almost the entire day for the past two days, only to wake up for a few short hours in all that time. Eliott was used to the depressive episodes, so well that he could sense when it would fell into that deep spot but this time he couldn’t because it made no sense. He was taking his medication and he was careful about not missing a dose. He couldn’t put any sense to it and since he slipped into it, he couldn’t bare to think anything at all. 

When he was finally able to close his eyes again and slowly falling to a deep sleep, he heard the door open and close right after. He knew it was Lucas, he was finally back from school but he had no idea what time or day it was. Eliott felt like Lucas came back home too soon. He wanted to speak, call Lucas’ name but he felt too weak to do so, he tried to go to sleep once again. Lucas’ steps took him to their bedroom, he had left his backpack next to the door, pushed the curtains to the side and the room filled with more light immediately. He slowly sat on the side of the bed and Eliott felt his presence but didn’t say anything. Lucas’ hand reached on Eliott’s hair, then stopped shortly after. Lucas got up, he kissed Eliott’s forehead lightly. He grabbed the glass of water, he was going to refill it and bring back, also possibly was going force Eliott to drink some of it but as soon as he took the glass in his hand, Eliott said ‘’Please’’ and luckily Lucas knew what he meant. ‘’I’m not going anywhere, just gonna get you a new glass of water and some tea for myself.’’ Lucas said softly. Eliott mouthed ‘’Okay’’ without actually saying it. Eliott knew Lucas was going to get in bed next to him and do whatever he needed to do there but his current state of mind made him doubt. He felt like Lucas was going to leave the room and would never come back. As he heard the sound of the kettle boiling water for Lucas’ tea, his conscience filled with sudden thoughts and questions but one question got him hooked. ‘’Is Lucas too good for me?’’ his heart ached as he asked the question to himself unconsciously, he never thought he would ever think about this exact question, he was well aware that Lucas was perfect for him but in this case, Eliott questioned the possibility of his boyfriend for being too perfect.

Lucas came back shortly after he left, he had a glass and a cup in his hands, he found Eliott staring at him the moment he appeared in the door, all of his attention was fixed on Lucas. Lucas chose to ignore his looks, left the glass on the bedside table, ‘’Can you please take a few sips?’’ Lucas told as he moved carefully to the other side of their bed with his tea cup in his hand. Eliott silently turned his whole body towards his boyfriend, Eliott fixed his eyes on Lucas once again. Lucas has never seen Eliott this focused while he was depressed, what he was used to was no interest at anything at all, no looks, no reaction and no expectations but Eliott looked like he was expecting Lucas to do or say something. They looked into each other’s eyes for a whole minute before Lucas got up to take his backpack into his bed. In that single moment Lucas got his back and got into the bed again, Eliott had turned towards the bedside table and covered his head with the sheets. Lucas assumed he was going to sleep again but Eliott’s eyes were wide open, he couldn’t sleep even if he wanted to, that one question had captured his mind and all of his thoughts. Eliott was thinking about every single little thing he did that hurt or could hurt Lucas, he was listing reasons why he didn’t deserve Lucas, the time also wasn’t passing for him. He felt like all of it was going through his mind in a single moment. He didn’t notice how long those thoughts captured his mind for. His thoughts and questions faded into his sleep. 

Eliott didn’t sleep as heavy as he did for the past week. Even though Eliott was too disconnected from everything, Lucas knew it was a sign ending his depressive episode. Lucas couldn’t sleep that night, he studied for his upcoming exams. He watched Eliott sleep the whole night, imagining himself sleeping but it was one of the things he was never successful at. Lucas once again went to school with only 2 hours of sleep and repeated the same the next day. Eliott was feeling a bit better. He had the energy to leave the bed, even if it was for a few minutes or to do simple stuff like getting himself water. Lucas found sitting on their bed, two pillows on his back and a notepad on his knees with a pencil. “Are you drawing?” he asked, Eliott held the pencil in his hand and slowly nodded. “I try to.” Eliott’s words spilled from his lips quietly. Lucas threw his backpack on the bed and sat down on the edge next to Eliott. “How are you feeling?” Lucas asked softly, didn’t want to push anything on his boyfriend. “Better, just too much going on in my mind.” Eliott said, looking at Lucas with literal puppy eyes. “You can tell me anything baby.” Lucas said, he was always ready to listen Eliott. 

Lucas put his hand on Eliott’s leg, “I feel like you’re too good for me.” Eliott said shyly. Lucas’ eyes grew with shock, “What do you mean?” he asked, he couldn’t believe what he heard. “I don’t deserve you.” Eliott continued, he felt uneasy talking. “No, we’re perfect for each other.” Lucas answered, for once he didn’t want to listen. Lucas put his legs on the bed too, Eliott slided, he put his head on Eliott’s chest. “How do you even bare with me? My mood swings?” Eliott’s words forced themselves out of his lips. “I love you, that’s how.” Lucas smiled, even though he knew Eliott wasn’t looking. “Am I too much?” Eliott asked all the questions he asked himself to Lucas. “Never, I would do anything for you.” Lucas’ words made Eliott feel more guilty. “But I don’t want you to.” Lucas didn’t know what to say, he felt powerless. “I know but I do it because I want to.” Lucas finally said, he hoped Eliott understood that clearly. “I just feel like you’re too good to be good for me.” Eliott whispered, almost like he didn’t want his boyfriend to hear that. “What does that even mean?” Lucas stood up, Eliott’s eyes followed. “I feel like you’re making too much sacrifice for me.” Eliott clenched his jaw, “Like all of this will destroy our relationship.” he confessed. Lucas finally understood what Eliott meant and all of his doubts. 

Lucas took a deep breath, trying to choose his words, “We said minute by minute didn’t we?” Eliott’s eyes shined for the first time in days. “Yes, we did.” he said. he had forgot about that, they promised the only thing they were going to care about was the next minute and Eliott had failed doing that. “I’m sorry.” Eliott said, Lucas hated that, “You have nothing to be sorry for, just remember okay?” he said and patiently waited for a reply. Eliott looked at him, trying to process his thoughts, “Remind yourself to always take us minute by minute.” Eliott noded. “I’ll remember that.” Lucas smiled big, knowing that this time Eliott could see it. He lied back next to Eliott, he pushed his lips on his. Eliott felt Lucas’ heat on him, he finally felt at ease, he kissed him like he had never before. Eliott knew that he didn’t have to doubt anything, all he had to do was to remind what they promised each other. Minute by minute it is.


End file.
